by Anonymous_190124
When I was 10, I was molested by my best friend’s father. It was very confusing.
I felt it was me.
It felt good.
I liked it?
It was my fault.
So, I never told a soul until I was a young adult. It lasted for three years, and only ended when my family and I moved out of state.
When I was 17, my boyfriend killed himself, and I got into drugs. It was a dark period. At around age 26, I was violently raped by a group of men.
Smashed my face into a wall.
Sodomized.
I was hospitalized. I did report the attack, but there was no arrest made.
We all did drugs together.
I led them on.
I wanted to get high, and yes, I used being a woman to my advantage.
So, maybe I deserved it.
Up until then I was always able to get away. I’d just leave or refuse. I would just move on to the next. I remember the horror on my loved ones’ faces when they saw and heard what happened to me.
I got into a physically abusive relationship and the cycle of abuse continued.
In 2008, I met my children’s father, a highly wealthy, well known, and well-loved man.
In 2010, we started a relationship. We were volatile. The relationship was not good. Ever.
In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. She saved my life. I have never used a drug again.
I was his scandal.
Twenty-one years younger than he was.
Drug addict and worthless.
At this point, we had been together on and off since 2010. After my daughter’s birth, he used his money to scare me into a settled custody and child support agreement. Fifty-fifty custody, and 10% of what child support should have been based on his income.
To me, he was the love of my life. The father of my children.
To him, I was something to hide.
But now we had a child.
In 2015, he got me pregnant again. He denied both children at first, until DNA testing proved the truth. We came to another agreement, when my son was around nine months old, and my father was dying. I didn’t want to fight this man, not while my father was fighting for his life.
I signed the paper.
Two days later, my daddy passed.
All of this time he was whispering in my ear, promising we would be a family. I moved into his home shortly after, and his darkness grew.
He has always made me feel stupid and worthless, but now I was starting to feel like his sex slave. He was always talking about the time I was molested or raped while we were having intercourse.
It seemed he was only able to perform if I played along and talked about things that I did not want to do. His requests grew bolder. He wanted us to have sex with others. When I said I didn’t want to do it he would say things like:
You’re no fun.
It’s all you have to offer.
I’ll throw you in the streets with nothing.
I just starting going along with his demands. I was worthless. I slept with multiple men for him. Gang bangs. Had to get a tubal ligation so the men could finish in me so he could eat it. I insisted on them wearing condoms so that wouldn’t be an option.
But he said he would find someone we trusted.
He always found the men.
He made the dates.
On the most recent occasion where he forced me to sleep with multiple men, they got me very drunk. I could never participate in these situations without alcohol. I can’t remember what they did to me at the end but, a few days later he told me that the night was so sexy.
Because the men were in me raw.
I was extremely upset and confused as to why this man who I loved and who supposedly loved me would put me in such danger. I screamed. He promised to never do it to me again.
I have since been tested and I am waiting on results.
He was the father of my children, although my soul was being crushed. My children were financially healthy. They had their mommy and daddy together.
He was using my pictures on sex websites and contacting men as me without my permission. I walked in on it one day – that’s how I found out. I also recently found out that he was contacting my friends, pretending to be me and soliciting sex.
He let his older children treat me terribly for many years. They would call me names and make fun of me. In 2018, on Christmas Eve, his family physically attacked me.
Hit me on the head with something.
Ripped all my hair off.
Medically diagnosed concussion.
I did report it to state troopers, the day after Christmas. They said with my injuries and statement they would need to arrest someone, but I told the cops I was scared and didn’t want to press charges. So I (stupidly, I felt) just filed a harassment claim and did not have anyone arrested.
He caught wind that I contacted a lawyer and filed a report. Three days after the attack, the family went to the police, who are friends of theirs. They made up lies about what happened on Christmas Eve. They had me arrested.
He and eight of his family members who were involved in the fight got together and wrote statements. They said I jumped on his oldest daughter and started strangling her and punching her.
I am 120 pounds and I was alone.
It was eight on one.
He’s 6’5” and 300 lbs.
I have pictures of my wounds.
He’s claiming I did these horrible things, but he then left our two youngest children alone with me for three days. He’s good friends with the sheriff, and he has a lot of pull around here. He then went and filed emergency custody for my babies and I haven’t seen them since that night.
Three male cops pulled me out of home in the dead of winter.
Without shoes, no underwear or bra.
I cooperated. Begged them to let me say goodbye to my children.
They did not let me.
I am very scared. I just want my children back. Especially for my daughters. I pray I wasn’t too blinded, but things are becoming clearer.
He does take my daughter to sleep in his bed alone at night.
I would have never thought he would hurt her. I still can’t bring myself to believe it. But he’s hurting her now by keeping me away, and I am very scared of what he is capable of.
I need to protect my babies.
This man is very powerful. He’s told me he would kill me before paying me child support. Instead he just took them, and the court is letting him so far. He is friends with the sheriff, donates money to all the judges.
It’s been almost two weeks. I haven’t been able to get any of my property. Thank God I have sisters who are helping me. I am wearing shoes that don’t fit, and all of their clothing. I literally have nothing.
We had family court.
I was so scared.
My sisters helped me retain a lawyer, but he’s very expensive. If this drags out I will not be able to keep up with all of that man’s resources.
It’s made me very paranoid because I know for sure he has ties in the legal system. I have never hurt my babies. I’ve been their primary caregiver their whole lives.
After our family court date, he agreed to allow supervised visits every other weekend, supervised by my sister. We FaceTime every other day.
Of course, I was ecstatic to see my children, and hold them, and love them. But I am not happy with this agreement. Thank God it is temporary. I don’t understand why he should be making any of the decisions, especially since he’s taking my kids under false pretenses.
Also, no one consulted my sister about the visits, before they made the decision, and it’s pretty impossible for her to help. I’m pretty sure he did that on purpose, just to make it that much harder on me and my family. She has a husband and three small children of her own. One is only 19 months old.
It’s a lot to ask somebody to take their entire weekend to sit there and supervise me with my children. It’s also extremely frustrating for all of us, because we can’t understand how a mother can be taken away from her children without being proven unfit.
My lawyer said that the family court date was a big win. He said that the judge usually doesn’t make any rulings on the first appearance, because he wants to monitor the case, and I was arrested on some pretty nasty charges. So, right now I’m just on the defense and blowing holes in his lies.
Our next court date is in a few weeks. I am in absolute agony without my children. It’s frustrating, sad, confusing and I just don’t know what to do. I do hope that my trust in my lawyer and in the court system will not fail me and my babies.
I just need my children.
Please help me.
Published as written, with light proofreading, formatting, and line break adjustment.